From I wish we could to "GO!!"

We have to move!

Being mentally and physically isolated for 4 days because of my schedule is one thing but then to be mentally isolated, due to lack of funds (which my friends agree is a huge issue in the rural South) for another 4 days is all a person can take.  Praying all the time for a miracle, for months, may have led to an answer.  Lance and I are going crazy…

I have only 2 weeks before the Holidays arrive, and even less time to move.  I texted Abui and we agree to hold off meetings so that I can move.  I endured my rotating schedule of four days of work and four days off.  Those off days I spent trying to pack up a 2 bedroom, 2 bath our trailer.  (Please note:  in the South trailers can be the dumps seen on tv for the stereotype poor or gorgeous pre-fabricated mansions.  We lived in the first one; with a roach infestation that the landlord never told us about or fixed.  No amount of bombing and pest control helped).

Long story short, found a new job (need to move up there, before we can set up  work date), I gave my 2 weeks-notice, did the mail-forwarding, and  few days later we moved our things to the new house.  I spent my last 6 days on my friend’s floor, because I needed a place to sleep after work and motels are expensive when you don’t have any money.  

My friend’s empty room didn’t have heat, so that even with a small portable room heater (blankets were at the house and no creature comforts were offered), I would wake up with the temperature being 22 degrees at midnight and doze in and out of sleep until it was time for work.  IT WAS HORRIBLE!  (Still thanking God all the way because sleeping in the car would have been harder).

These three weeks were so stressful for me that I basically stopped talking, and went into auto-pilot to save energy.

We have set up short term and long term goals.  This is nothing new to me.  I have spent countless hours in the Self Help (now known as the Self-Improvement) section.  Better to spend 1-2 hours scanning and buying books than to spend hundreds on one-on-one-PhD. therapy.

Long and short term goals are nothing new.  I am no longer excited, and almost deflated with the idea.  Abui hears this and asks, “Why isn’t this something you are interested in doing?”  I tell her that I am very familiar with short/long term goals.  If they worked for me, I wouldn’t need the assistance now.  She says some stuff, as usually my brain starts to daydream and I say okay, because that is what people like to hear.  (I sound like a jerk, I know.  But… eh… no one’s perfect).  Yet something about this feels different.  Through all of these sessions, nothing has seemed to change and yet some iota of me has.

What changes may come…  Another assignment…GREAT! (sarcasm) but if I do it, I get to talk to my friend and cousin... so I do.

For those of you still with me, Abui and I meet every Friday.  It’s the only thing I look forward to in a week.  Having moved from Silicon Valley, to the deep rural South, hasn’t been easy.  It’s like the 1950’s but it has the technology of the present.  Some people have the mindsets of the 1800’s, 1970’s, and the present.  (Lance and I don’t match age or color-wise and the looks we get are the full spectrum we received in CA from others, regardless of other factors).

The only thing that reminds me that I am not lying are a few people with great hearts, and minds who constantly help the assimilation process by nicely saying, “This be da Souf darlin’. An right her’ is what’s called, The Trap. Good luck getting out.”  Others have been so sweet I am astonished that haven’t left.  They stay for a plethora of other reasons.

 

Every day I thank my mother for ingraining into me what others thought was dead.  Especially when twice in one week, I was stopped by one old “redneck” and later in the week a “country boy” who asked me if I needed a lift somewhere.  This is actually code for let’s have sex, because any (black) lady walking down the road with her dog has to be a prostitute.  (Welcome to the rural South).  Later, a friend told me of one lady that is a prostitute that walks over 5 miles daily.  She too is black.  I know. I know.  One case doesn’t mean every, but this is the rural South.

 

So it’s time for another meeting and the name of the “game” is what I need to do in order to do all that I want and oh joy, another list.

 

We officially decide that I am going to have to move.  Jobs are very scarce out here.  Job security is based on whether or not you are working with your family (extended family, and people who have known you your entire life).  Even with my degree and two minors, the best job I could find only wanted to pay me minimum wage and I took it: thank God for the people I have met and the benefits (tons of down time) and other benefits (401K etc.)!